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I woke up Saturday morning and saw that my car tire was booted.

My offense: I parked in a handicapped parking spot.

I honestly do not know how I made such a mistake. I am an upstanding member of the community. Maybe it was because rain was falling the previous night when I parked, and I didn’t see the handicapped sign.

The note left on my car stated that I had violated the apartment complex parking rules, and I had to pay a fee of $75.

As a law-abiding member of society, I called the phone number on the note.

A man answered the phone, and I started explaining myself. The gentleman said that in order for the boot to be removed, I needed to have $75 in cash only when the dispatcher arrived.

Immediately, I started begging. Big man like me oo.

I had to try. I no wan pay $75 for this economy. I said, “Sir, I do not have $75 in cash right now. How can you help me?”

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One hour passed. No show. No one called. No one came.

Two hours passed. Still no one.

So I called again. The guy picked up and said he would call the dispatcher and make sure he got to my apartment right away.

Three hours passed. No show. Five hours passed. No show.

This was a Saturday. I had choir practice to attend and other church activities too. As a child of God that I am, I must be there.

I was beginning to get frustrated, so I called the phone number again. The same guy picked up the call.

Let’s just say this time around, I changed the key of voice.

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I went to look at the boot strap again. As an engineer that I am, I assessed the working principle of the device. This was a simple two-lever system. The pivot was held together by two screws.

I remembered my physics class, so I brought out my toolbox and went to work.

As an excellent engineer that I am, in less than ten minutes, I had removed the boot from my tire. My car was now free.

Little did I know that I had opened another bag of trouble.

Nine hours after my first call, I got a call from Mr. Dispatcher asking for my location.

I told him I had already done his work for him oo. I told him that I left his boot strap under my staircase, if he still wanted it.

That is how this man said I had committed a crime and that my car would be towed.

My car will be towed ke?

Omo. I started begging again oo.

I said, “Please, let’s meet. I will give you your boot strap and the $75. Just don’t tow my car.”

Mr. Dispatcher was very kind. He said he would not tow my car. In fact, he used the words, “Thank you for your honesty. We will not tow your car.”

I wish this was the end of the story, but it isn’t.

Behold, it came to pass on Sunday night. As I was going to throw away my trash, I didn’t see my car where I parked it.

This was about 11 p.m.

My car had disappeared.

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[Missing section]

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Sharp sharp, I called the police.

Albuquerque, New Mexico is the number one city for car theft in the USA.

“Hello, I parked my car in front of my apartment, and now it is missing.”

“Calm down,” the lady answered.

She then asked for my information and my car information, which I gave her.

“Your car has been towed by ABQ Towing Company,” she said.

I then asked, “What was my offense?”

“The tow was authorized by your apartment office. Please contact them,” she said.

11 p.m. on a Sunday. Apartment office is closed.

11 p.m. on a Sunday. ABQ Towing Company is closed.

Wahala!

I was angry, mad, and annoyed.

How can these people tow my car just after they told me on the phone that my car would not be towed?

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends and foes, it was at this moment that I decided to become a lawyer.

I opened my laptop and started reading any laws of the state and the city that were related to parking, car booting, and towing.

I was up all night reading, and I came to the conclusion that my car was illegally towed according to Albuquerque city code.

The towing company opened at 8 a.m.

Guess who gave them their first call?

The newly self-ordained law practitioner of the land: Barrister Samuel Ojayteee. Esquire. SAN. SAU. Etc.

And of course, these people did not pick up my phone.

I waited for another 20 minutes. You know, maybe dem just dey open shop. Make dem settle down wella before I bring my lawsuit.

I called again. This time, a lady picked up the phone. She immediately asked for my name.

I refused.

I was ready for vawulence. My laptop was in front of me.

I was ready to quote Section 7, Subsection 13 of the Albuquerque code, which states:

“Upon being contacted at the 24-hour telephone number, the booting service shall arrive at the location of the immobilized vehicle within one hour and shall be available to remove a boot within that time period.”

After I refused to give her my name, she asked me, “What can I do for you?”

I told her my car was towed from my apartment.

“Where is my car? And why did you tow it?”

She asked for the car information, and I gave her.

Then she asked if I removed the boot device from my car.

I said yes.

Then she said that to get my car back, I would have to pay a $500 fee for tampering with the boot strap.

She then went ahead and said that I also stole the booting strap, and that if I didn’t pay the fee and return the boot strap, it meant that I had agreed to surrender my car.

Ori mi sparkle immediately.

The next thing I said was, “Madam, you dey whine me?”

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She said, “Please repeat yourself. I didn’t understand what you said.”

So I said, “Where is your address so I can come and pay you your fee?”

She quickly gave me the address. In her mind, she don see free $500.

As a new lawyer that I am, I brushed my teeth, had my bath, and wore one of my best suits. I polished my shoe.

In fact, I even shaved and trimmed this small beard on my face that I am managing. I wore my most expensive-looking watch. I even sprayed my “special day” cologne.

I was ready.

Barrister Ojayteee, Esq., SAN was on a mission. He must look the part.

I called a friend to drive me to the address I was given.

I got there, entered the office, and did that “big man clearing throat” sound.

The receptionist immediately noticed me and greeted me.

“Please, can I speak to who is in charge here?” I said with the deepest voice I could generate.

The poor receptionist lady was on her feet immediately. She went inside to get the person who was in charge.

Alas, the man in charge came out. He was a Mexican man with a big stomach.

With supreme confidence, I said, “I came here to pick up my car that was illegally towed by your company.”

Baba was shocked.

Dey never brief am.

He quickly asked the receptionist to call his other staff members.

Lo and behold, Madam $500 came out.

She started narrating the situation to her boss.

When she was just about to say that I stole the boot strap, I immediately interrupted and said:

“Excuse me, I didn’t come down here for a chit-chat. I asked to speak to who is in charge before I file a lawsuit against your company for breaking the Albuquerque city code.

“It is on record that I called you at exactly 9:26 a.m. on Saturday. Your company didn’t respond until nine hours after my call to unboot my car.

“That wasn’t the only code you broke. The Albuquerque code also states that you should leave a warning note on the driver window stating that moving a booted car can cause damage. That note wasn’t on my car.”

I continued on and on.

Man, I was on a roll, quoting everything I memorized.

I was proud of myself.

I told them, “By the law of the land, I am not responsible for the towing charges because my car was towed illegally. I said I will not pay the $500 because, even though I tampered with the boot strap, I had cause to do so.”

After I finished, the place was very quiet.

Mr. Big Stomach now said, “Sir, but you are guilty of parking in a handicapped spot, and the penalty is $75.”

At this point, my brain told me, “Samuel, you have tried. You have negotiated $500 tampering fee plus $200 towing fee down to $75.”

Then I replied, “I will not file any complaint with the city if you accept the original penalty fee of $75 and release my car.”

He agreed.

I paid him $75, and we shook hands.

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[Ending ]

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